You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize