Walk of Shame. In a state park.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
