my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
