Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i think i just lost a toe
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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