I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
