She is in my trunk
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
