Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
