dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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