All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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