oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
