They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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