So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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