My room smells like vodka and shame
Having a random hookup so left but love u
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
tell me about the eggs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
