I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
