Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
