If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
