idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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