She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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