How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He better not be in your backpack
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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