One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
