Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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