how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
