my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
