I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
