hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the day after is always just damage control
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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