the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
