got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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