So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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