nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Two words: blizzard sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
