I'm eating all of the evidence.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
