u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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