Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
