you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
