i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
