the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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