you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
