So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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