I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
