just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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