woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
