You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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