He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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