she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
