my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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