Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
