the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
