road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
