Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
