grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
