I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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