i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
