just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
