he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
