So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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