I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
