Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
