babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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