Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
