I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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