I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
