also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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