1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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