So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
