Your face is a jimmy john
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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