Taylor Swift is so right about you.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
