I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
