True but thats because hes a fetus.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
