I just threw up on my dentist
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
