why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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