i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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