yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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