Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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