The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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