Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
