mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
