New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
