We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
